Out Of Abuse

I started this blog for myself. I never expected anyone to actually read it! I needed a place to let out the pain of my past and thought that writing it out, and then posting it, would validate me and help me get past the pain once and for all.

But instead of this ending up as a blog that no one else notices (or reads), I’ve been overwhelmed at just HOW many hits it gets every day and just HOW long people stay on the site to read my long and tedious posts.

Seeing the numbers and the types of things they’ve Googled in order to find me is one of the saddest parts of my day. The search words are chilling. In just 3 short months of blogging I’m averaging 76 new visitors per day. That’s 76 people who came to the internet to read about and contemplate what constitutes abuse. I’m assuming that most of them are in abusive relationships because I just can’t imagine that many other people would find this a “fun” subject to read about.

The search terms. Those are the part that chill me. So far, the number one search term is “Silent treatment, marriage”. The second most searched term is “He doesn’t hit me, he just” and the third most popular is “He says he is just joking”.

Fourth runner-up is the most disturbing to me and the one that stays with me throughout the say. “Is this abuse?”. And number 5 is no better “how to get him to be nice to me again”.

Some of the comments on the blogs make me cry as I read them. Many are too personal to post. I simply reply to the email address of the poster and offer my support and help. Others are edited to remove personal information. I’m afraid for these people!

I’m glad that people are reading my blog. It’s scary and uncomfortable for me to know that others are discovering my secret past and some days it’s hard to talk myself out of feeling ashamed and humiliated. This isn’t the kind of secret stuff that you EVER want anyone to know!

But in the end, I’m ok with letting it out and making it public. There are far too many people who are still in that horror of a life that abuse perpetrates and if I can help one person make it out, then it makes my pain count for something.

So this is a thank you letter and an invitation. Thank you for taking time to read and to learn about what abuse truly is at it’s core. If you are being abused in any way by a spouse or loved one, please take the time to hit my Contact Me button. I want to hear from you! I can’t physically touch you, hug you or make it all go away overnight, but I promise you that I’ll answer you and try to help in any way that I can.

Sad but grateful,
Tee